The Boyfriend

The boyfriend topic is popular here. But it's not the late night slumber party gossip you'd think. It's the nail biting worrisome kind, that at the end of the conversation leaves you, if single, feeling like you need to jump the nearest man. On arrival to most places, there are a series of questions that go as such; 1. What is your name? 2. Where are you from? 3. Do you have a boyfriend? If you answer the latter with a 'Yes', the investigation stays somewhat closed, but dare answer with a 'No' and you might find a man waiting in your living room the very next day. 

We were introduced late into the night. I initially thought nothing of it. I knew many women my age were already married, but didn't see how it applied to me. I've understood the alter rush here was to procure a partner at what is believed to be a desirable age and avoid temptation. I've also, however, known the boyfriend to interrupt this very process. It was only after a few weeks when I was nudged every time he visited, that I started to realize it was a set-up. His name is Eman, he's my height and brown too. How sweet. I guess that's all I need for a match made in heaven! No, I remain unconvinced. I am and was in no mood for blind dinner dates and errand runs together. It's a trend I'm not yet ready to sport. 

I don't see a place for the Boyfriend in the society I live in. There are a set of rules for the unmarried female. Firstly, she has a curfew. She, who stays out after seven is a girl of loose morales. She must cover the majority of her body and can often only touch the tips of a man's fingers in a greeting. She will never be seen in a house alone with a boy and if her family doesn't know him, there's no chance he'll be stopping by. At first glance, it's a society that appears rigid. I've had to stop my inner rebel teen from screaming 'F the rules!' hopping on a bike and roaring off half naked into the night. But then on further notice, there's this dating trend that seems contradictory. 

At night, I see strings of young lovers embrace on motorcycles gliding through city lights. Warung stands shelter couples sipping Ginger tea in the dim. They nuzzle in theatre seats and link fingers on strolls all unaccompanied by parental supervision. Boys and girls tease, pinch and poke without any damage to her reputation. Men and women can flirt, bat eyes and produce blushes openly. Are the rules bent when it comes to love? Or perhaps the displays of affection still fit into the appropriate rules of conduct.

We used to call him suitor. He was the one who pursued with the promise of a ring. Today he goes by boyfriend. We have all sorts of  them in the states. Those for one week, those for one year, those who we marry and those we never do. The suitor is never the husband, whereas the boyfriend can very well be. I've known the boyfriend to be the lover, financially obligated and father of many.  As much as we've condemned societies with more 'rigid' tendencies, our flexibility has sometimes become, in the words of Facebook statuses, 'complicated.' 

There's this security here. Security in belief and way of life. They've had the fortune of sharing ideals. The girls don't seem to have that teenage angst I so harbored in my youth. Perhaps because I had rules that weren't in accordance to the era I was living. I was in a Victorian household in the middle of 21st century, Bronx New York. Dating was never an option. Now, as an adult, having dated, the boyfriend topic is still a confusing one. Who is he? What is his role? If no longer the suitor, than what? Who my ibu introduces me to each time like it's my coming out party is not a potential boyfriend, but the gentlemen caller, the wooer, the admirer, the suitor. Our intimacy will come after marriage. Our children will come to similar understandings and I will know him as husband. Hm. I think Facebook should update their relationship options.